


When I'm with You, I Lose All Control

by SimplyUndead



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Age Difference, Angst, Car Accidents, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pastel Dan Howell, Pastel Dan and Punk Phil, Punk Phil Lester, but it is only like 3 years
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-14
Updated: 2018-08-14
Packaged: 2019-06-27 10:30:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15683613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SimplyUndead/pseuds/SimplyUndead
Summary: Phil goes to pick up his best friend’s brother from school. What starts out as seemingly harmless teasing turns into a terrible accident. But, maybe, the accident wasn’t so bad, after all.





	When I'm with You, I Lose All Control

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this over a year ago and had completely forgotten to post it. I found it the other day, edited it, and now I will finally post it - a year later. Enjoy and tell me what you think!

Phil sat in his car, parked in front of his town’s high school, waiting for the final class to dismiss. He never hated high school, not really - it was fun sometimes and okay the rest of the time. But, he suddenly realized how glad he was to be out of the repetitive lessons and able to enjoy a gap year.

He finally had time to live in the real world, to experience new and exciting things.

He heard the bell ring over the loud music pouring from his speakers, watching student after student file out. He had his eyes peeled, scanning the crowd for anything pastel and unusually aesthetically pleasing. Soon, his eyes landed on Dan Howell, who stood, hand above his eyes as a makeshift sun visor, no doubt searching the parking lot for his brother’s car.

Phil could’ve waved him over, sent him a text, got out of the car to get him, but how would that be any fun? He honked the horn loudly and watched as the boy jumped in surprise, threw his hand over his heart, and then glared when he realized it was Phil.

“Get in, loser!” Phil yelled, head stretched through the open window, resisting the urge to go full Regina George as he quietly mumbled “we’re going shopping.”

Dan rolled his eyes and shuffled toward Phil’s car, opening the door and getting in the passenger seat. He set his bag in the floorboard beneath him.

“What’s wrong with you? I nearly had a heart attack.” He complained as he buckled his seat belt and turned down Phil’s blaring music.

“Oh, don’t be such a baby, Howell,” Phil teased, glancing over at his best friend’s little brother - well, he wasn’t little, he was sixteen, but he was kind of short.

“Whatever. Where’s Connor? He was going to pick me up.” Dan asked, rolling his eyes.

“Job interview. He asked me to take you home,” Phil explained, backing out of the parking spot.

“Ah, okay.”

“Put your backpack in the backseat, Dan. You’re short, but not that short.” Phil said, gesturing down to Dan’s legs that rested on his bag uncomfortably.

Dan was 5"6’, which wasn’t terribly short, but compared to Phil, who was 6"2’, he might as well have been a hobbit. He had to cuff the legs of his jeans because they were too long, but that didn’t make him short, it just made his pants too tall.

“Oh, I’m fine,” Dan said and gave an awkward smile, trying to situate his legs differently.

“Damn it, Dan, you’re too polite for your own good,” Phil said, reaching down and grabbing Dan’s bag and moving it the back in one swift movement, all the while driving with one hand on the wheel. Dan’s bag was pretty heavy, too, filled with books and binders.

“Just because I’m not an asshole like you doesn’t mean I’m too polite,” Dan said, as he sat his legs back down, feeling ten times more comfortable.

Phil scoffed when Dan mumbled a small thank you, only further proving his point.

A couple of minutes passed while Dan gazed out the window, watching trees blur past him quickly. Phil was going pretty fast. He tugged on his seat belt, just for a safety check, when he noticed something.

“Phil, you need to put your seat belt on.”

“It’s not a big deal, Dan. Calm down.” Phil said, shrugging off Dan’s concern.

“Seriously, Phil. You’re not too punk or whatever to be safe.” Dan said, and he was only being persistent because he cared. Phil’s tattoos and black clothing didn’t make him invincible.

When Phil shrugged him off again, Dan sighed and unbuckled his own seat belt. Phil was about to make some offhanded comment about Dan finally joining the dark side, but then the boy crawled to his knees in the seat, leaned over with one hand on Phil’s shoulder and the other reaching across his chest to grab the seat belt himself.

Phil thought this was kind of ridiculous and he was just going to swat Dan away and do it himself but this boy was touching his shoulder and chest and his mouth was almost brushing against Phil’s neck and if Phil glanced out of his peripheral vision, he could see Dan’s little ass perked up in the air. It was all kind of fun, so he just kept his hands at 10 and 2, only moving them to aid Dan as he pulled the strap across Phil’s body. Finally he buckled it, sat back, let out a ‘humphf,’ and buckled himself up again.

“Jesus, Dan, you’re bloody annoying,” Phil grimaced, biting the inside of his cheek.

Truth be told, Phil didn’t actually think Dan was annoying. He didn’t think Dan was a baby or even half the things he called him. Phil thought Dan was gorgeous and sweet and so small and perfect.

Of course, he could never tell anyone that. Dan was his best friend’s little brother, the boy that anyone who associated themselves with Connor vowed to protect because everyone knew that Dan was soft and innocent (especially the boys at school who always picked on him for what he wore and how he short he was).

Phil could never do anything about his crush because if he didn’t kill himself first, he knew Connor would be the first to do so. Connor protected Dan the way a bear protected her cubs.

So, Phil put up a front of finding Dan irritating because it was so much easier to pick and tease at him than stare at him longingly with a heavy heart. Besides, it’s not like he was ever actually mean to Dan. There had been plenty of times when his façade had broken and he let himself be sweet with the boy.

He heard Dan mumble something about him being an asshole or arrogant or something along those lines, but he couldn’t really hear him over his own thoughts. Sometimes it hurt that Dan called him those things and honestly meant them. At least Phil knew he was joking when he called Dan names, but he never knew if Dan was joking in return.

Phil’s thoughts started to become too heavy for his mind, so he pulled out his phone to check his messages and scroll through Facebook. He looked at the road every few seconds, so it’s not like he was being unsafe.

“Phil, what the hell are you doing? Put your phone away!” Dan said sternly from beside him.

“Why do you always have to be such a stickler for the rules? Loosen up!” Phil said, nudging the boy with his elbow.

“I’m sorry that I’d rather not die today because you’re too busy scrolling through Instagram!” Dan shrieked incredulously.

“Apology accepted,” said Phil nonchalantly. It was so much fun to watch Dan get worked up. By this point, he was practically steaming.

“Philip Michael Lester, put your phone away, now!” Dan said, eyes glued to the road wearily. His chest felt heavy. This was not funny.

“Ooh, pulling out my full name, are we? Whatever, mum.”

Dan fussed for a couple more minutes while Phil paid him no mind. It wasn’t until they were going around a curve and Dan let out a death-curdling scream of “Phil!” that he finally look up just in time to see a semi truck heading straight for them. Phil gasped and swerved the car off the road into a ditch where the hit a few trees until they finally screeched to a halt.

The crash felt like hours in Phil’s mind, he could see bright lights and nothing at all, but it felt like forever. He knew it was only a couple of seconds, though.

Once he regained his senses, he looked around. They were fully off the road, in the grass - or more accurately, the trees. He looked beside him to see Dan, whose pink sweater was ripped and blood-stained from the multiple cuts on his face and neck. The window on his side had shattered, the shards scraping his skin as it settled on him.

He was crying one of those far away cries when you’re in shock and your mind can’t catch up. Phil couldn’t do anything but stare.

A sudden tapping on his window brought him out of his trance. He looked to find a middle-aged woman talking, but he couldn’t hear her. She opened his door.

“Sir, sir, are you okay? Can you hear me?” She asked, kind of far off, but Phil’s brain was clearing and he could understand her. She seemed very concerned.

“I, uh, yeah. Yeah,” He said, focusing his shaking hands on unbuckling his seatbelt, which he was suddenly very thankful for.

“Are you sure? You’re bleeding?”

He touched his forehead, recoiled with a wince, and checked the rearview mirror. There was a gash, but he couldn’t tell how severe.

“I’m fine, but I don’t know if Dan is.” He said, all of the sudden, remembering his best friend’s little brother.

He stumbled out of the car and around to the passenger side. The lady was saying something, but Phil was too focused on one thing - one person - to pay attention.

“Dan, Dan, are you okay? Please, talk to me,” Phil begged, opening the door, which took more effort than normal because it had been smashed. Dan continued to cry, unable to form words and Phil felt so guilty. He had never felt so awful in his life.

He seriously could have killed this boy. This boy that meant so much to him.

“Call an ambulance, please! Now!” Phil yelled to the woman. She fumbled frantically to find her phone and dial 999.

“Dan, I’m going to help you get out of the car now, okay?” He surveyed the cuts and scrapes on Dan’s skin. None of them would need stitches, as far as he could tell. He would probably bruise later, though.

Phil took Dan’s hands and put them on his shoulders, wrapped his own arms around the boy’s waist, and started to gently pull. It was okay at first and then Dan let out this noise of pure agony.

“Shit, Dan, I’m so sorry,”

Phil didn’t know what to do so he just left Dan sitting. He held the boy’s hands and rubbed his thumbs over his knuckles, anything to try and comfort his tears.

The ambulance came and the paramedics, one man and one woman, got Dan out of car. He didn’t struggle, too in pain to really do anything, but his cries were heart-wrenching. Phil didn’t know what was wrong. Had he broken something?

The paramedics suggested Phil also go to the hospital to get his forehead checked. He didn’t think it was that big of a deal, but he wouldn’t have left Dan alone anyway.

Before leaving, he hugged that lady that had helped them and asked for her name - so he could thank her again on Facebook later.

The ride to the hospital was the longest fifteen minutes of his life. He had caused this, the wreck, Dan’s pain, everything, and all because he wouldn’t put his phone away.

Dan had told him, begged him, and why hadn’t he just listened? What was he trying to prove? He wouldn’t be surprised if Dan really hated him now. And Connor, too.

Shit, Connor would kill him once he found out.

He deserved it, though.

They arrived at the hospital and the nurses in the emergency quickly wheeled Dan away, despite Phil’s pleas of going with him. They took Phil to his own room where a very nice woman in purple scrubs cleaned and dressed his wound.

He didn’t need stitches, but on the gash they put an ugly tan bandage roughly the size of Texas.

“Can I go see Dan, now?” Phil asked again for probably the fifth time.

“I think he’s getting an X-ray, now, but I could take you to his room. Are you two related?” She asked, but all Phil could focus on was the word X-ray.

“Oh, um, well, he’s my best friend’s little brother, and he’s probably really scared right now, and also I feel completely awful. Please, can I go see him?” Phil was begging, pleading with this woman. She seemed hesitant at first, but she must have noticed the desperation in his eyes.

“I suppose I can allow it this one time. If anybody asks, you’re related, okay?” She whispered, a sympathetic smile on her face. Phil all but hugged her.

“Yes, ma'am, thank you so much.”

The young woman with the purple scrubs walked him down the hall, to the right, and stopped at the room. She smiled and left.

Phil knocked softly before opening the door. He was met with the pitiful sight of Dan Howell in a hospital gown, bandages plastered randomly on his body, and his left leg wrapped up.

“Hey,” was all he could manage. He wanted to cry and beg for forgiveness and just hold Dan tightly, but all he could get out was “Hey.”

“So, it’s broken,” Dan said, gesturing to his leg, propped up by pillows. “They made an appointment with an orthopedic surgeon tomorrow morning, to set the bones back in place and put a cast on it,”

Phil lost it at that, he really did. He started bawling, gross, ugly cries escaping his lips. Dan was prepared to fuss at him, too, but all that left once he saw Phil’s state.

“Phil? Are you okay?” He asked. Maybe he was hurt badly? Did he have a concussion?

“Damn it, Dan, you’re too polite for your own good,” Phil said, laughing miserably, though nothing was particularly funny. “You should be screaming at me, calling me the worst names you can think of, and I deserve it. I wish you would.”

“Phil,” Dan said softly, reaching a hand out for the elder, who gladly took it. “I’m a little pissed, sure. And you should’ve listened to me, obviously, but you didn’t intentionally hurt us. I couldn’t be any more mad at you than you are at yourself,”

“Dan, God, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to do this. I’m so stupid. I would never hurt you. I know I tease you a lot, but I never mean any of it. Never,” Phil couldn’t stop himself now. It was like word vomit, once the first bit came out, he couldn’t keep the rest in. “And I only ever pick at you because I like you so much, anyway, and I know I shouldn’t because you’re Connor’s little brother and you’re so pure and small and I’m the biggest asshole ever. And, so I tease you and call you names because that’s just easier for me, but sometimes it’s not even funny, it’s just mean and unnecessary.”

“Phil -” He had let go of Dan’s hand by now, choosing to pace the room with his hands in his hair.

“And, I should’ve listened to you about everything. I was just trying to irritate you, but it was just stupid to be on my phone like that. And now look, you’re bruised and scraped and your leg is fucking broken because I don’t know how to deal with my feelings.”

“Phil, look at me,” Dan said, watching as the nineteen-year-old looked up from his hands. “I’m not mad at you, especially not now. And also I’m on a lot of pain medication and I still haven’t fully processed everything you’ve said. But, I do know that you need to calm down because my parents will be here soon, and you need to look at least a little bit sane.”

“Connor’s gonna kill me, you know?” Phil joked, walking to Dan’s side again. “And I’m gonna let him,”

“No, he won’t. Because we’ll tell them it was an accident, it wasn’t your fault.” Dan said, grabbing at Phil’s hand again.

“I really don’t think that’s right, Dan,” Phil said, sounding wary.

“'Why do you always have to be such a stickler for the rules? Loosen up!’” Dan mocked in a childish voice, a silly grin forming on his face. Phil wanted to grab him and kiss it off.

“Okay, but I still feel bad about it,”

“Don’t worry, you’ll pay me back. I’m not letting you off the hook for almost killing me that easy,” Dan said, smiling mischievously.

“Anything,” Phil assured, nodding. “I’ll do anything,”

“Well, I’m going to be wearing a cast for at least a month, maybe even six weeks. It’s going to be difficult to get around and do basic things,” Dan said innocently, pulling out the puppy eyes.

“Personal servant?” Phil guessed, eyes narrowing unenthusiastically. Dan giggled in conformation.

“I hope you don’t mind sleeping on the couch, 'cause I sense that I’ll have to get up frequently throughout the night,”

“Well, I can’t complain, I know I deserve it,”

A few minutes passed in comfortable silence as they waited patiently for Dan’s family. Phil didn’t really know what do with himself, so he sat, twiddled his fingers and looked around the room, sometimes staring at Dan until he noticed, and then looking away quickly.

“Phil?” Dan asked quietly, whispering into the emptiness of the room.

“Yeah?” Phil whispered back, unsure why they were being so quiet.

“You said you liked me?” Dan asked, still quiet as if he were afraid of his own voice. His cheeks were pink with embarrassment and any other time, Phil would have teased him, but he could feel himself becoming nervous, too.

“Y-yeah, um,” Phil cleared his throat. “Yeah, I did.”

“Like, 'oh, you’re my best friend’s brother so of course I have to like you,’ or like, 'kissing and stuff?’” Dan asked. Phil couldn’t help the snort that escaped him. How could Dan be any cuter?

“Like 'kissing and stuff,’ Dan,” Phil said. He was still laughing, unable to contain himself. Dan Howell was just too adorable for this world.

“Okay, you can shut up now, thanks,” Dan said, pouting with his arms folded.

“Okay, okay, I’ll stop,” Phil said, the biggest grin settled on his face leftover from laughter.

“So, if you like me like that, then will you kiss me?” Dan asked, staring in Phil’s direction. His cheeks were a raging red, but he didn’t back down.

Phil stood up, sat back down, and stood up again. Normally, if a cute boy asked for a kiss, he wouldn’t have had a moments hesitation, but Dan was different. There was so much to gain by kissing him, but there was also so much to lose, and oh so many consequences if Connor found out.

He sighed, “Dan, I don’t know-”

“Phil, as my personal servant, I’m telling you what I need,” Dan said, a small smile on his lips as he watched the gears turn in Phil’s head.

“Well, in that case,” Phil said, walking toward Dan. He cupped the boy’s cheek with one hand and held the bed with the other to support himself.

He leaned closer and watched as Dan’s brown eyes fluttered closed before he shut his own and pressed their mouths together. It wasn’t wet and it didn’t have any tongue - actually, it was rather dry as the younger had some cuts on his lips, but it was nice and sweet, just like Dan.

It was enough to take his breath away.

The knock on the door broke them apart rapidly, as Dan’s parents and Connor burst into the room, asking a thousand questions all at once. They were too worried to notice the blush that spread across the two boy’s cheeks and they definitely didn’t catch the bashful smile Dan sent Phil’s way.

If Phil knew one thing for certain, it was that the next six weeks were going to be very long.


End file.
